Its the last day of the year

Everyone wants to be with the people they love.

I feel sad for the many people who are deprived of it.

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Anyway, i want to recall a few the important things that happened this year. In sequence,

1. O level results

2. Got into NgeeAnn's Business studies

3. Started working in NewUrbanMale.com

4. Made a lot of new friends. A few closer ones

5. Got back together with Vannessa, my long time lover after a hiatus.

6. Travelled to Australia and did quite some cool stuff.

7. My Granddad passed away.. i watched as he did.

8. First time i saw someone dying infront of me

9. First time i cried so much. I usually almost never cry.

10. Quit NewUrbanMale.com

11. Started second semester of school

12. New Blog

13. Bought DSLR camera

14. Tavel to USA to stay and shop

15. And then to HongKong which is where i am now to shop somemore

16. Spend New Year away from Singapore.

17. I've never loved anyone more.

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Of course its actually more eventful then this but i tend to forget nowadays. I'm in a very big mess because i miss a particular someone quite a bit. I'll put stuff down when i remember or when friends remind me. Of course there are a few things i cannot put on blogs la, i've learn to be more ... unopened? Is that the word? Because somethings are better left unsaid. You cannot let someone else know you so well, it'll be intimidating wouldn't it?

I think i'm still open with stuff but not as much at when i used to blog at bleached-valentine.blogspot.com. Its still me here though, less the jokes and insults and gossip and vulgarities. Well a little less vulgar only.

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To: Chengyong, Joel, Jerrold, Shianshun, Jonathan.

Fuck you all. I come back then celebrate with you. This year has been damn nice with you guys. We've done things we don't usually do, no not ... gay sex. But like running around to places we've never been to, sitting in the middle of nowhere drinking. Though sometimes we aren't there for each other because we all have our commitments. Especially Jerrold, your devotion to your girlfriend is very much astounding. Don't throw your friends aside next year, we don't feel good. Remember last time in secondary school when we asked you to go out you'd always say you can't because of your parents. Now that you can you spend it all with Jiahui -.- I know i got no right to say this la, she might get angry. But please have some consideration for our friendship alright? We won't always be around. Anyway, you guys have helped me through a lot this year and in the past too. We got into trouble tgt in and out of school and it was shit fun.

We're all turning 18 pretty quick next year, you all know how much we'll havoc then.

Thanks for being there =) Happy New Year you bags of shit.

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To: Serena & Jeanette

My best Poly buddies! Because i hang out with 2 girls ppl might think i'm gay. But i dont really care cause we're worth alot more? First year tgt and we havoc quite a bit already, drinking before we go into class, drinking along clark quay, drinking... why does everything revolve around drinking? Oh and we skipped class and helped each other study and you guys were always there for me, for all my problems. Even now when i'm in a different class you guys still hang out with me. Thanks so much for being around =) Its not even been a year, and we're not 18 yet. Can't wait to spend next year with you guys.

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To: Adam, Fauzi, Hermy

Thanks for bringing me around to have fun =) Next year i can do it properly and we can party a lot more. But Army might be in the way so i cannot be to presumptuous.

Happy New Year guys

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To: Vannessa

Thank god for you. I never knew what i was missing till the day we got together, 20th May. That day under the same tree. Followed by days we spend along the coast, nights next to the pool. Days like these make me feel happy. I've never been closer to anyone else, never so open and so intimate. I miss you. Even now here in Hong Kong, I spend my time thinking about you. Everyone keeps saying 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder'. Bullshit, i never want to be apart from you for this long ever again. At least you can spend time with you friends or do work to try and forget about me. I can't, everywhere i go i wonder what it would be like to have you here.

I know i'm a psycho boyfriend like you said. Maybe because i worry too much, i'm those typical psycho boyfriends you hear on the news or read in magazines.

I promise i'll return back to normal when i get home to see you again.

This year has been so much brighter than any other because of you. I can't afford to lose this, ever.

Even though its not even a year since we've been together, we've been through quite a bit. I love looking back at pictures of us. There's this one which i never really noticed, the details, but when i saw it i laughed, i'll tell you about it when i get back, remind me.

Okay what i really want to say is, i want to get to 2010 with you. I want us to celebrate everything we missed out on this year, next year. I really miss you, maybe next year we can finally go overseas tgt? Plus would be able to drive! Means no more cabbing, do you think we've spent more than $500 or a thousand on cab rides this year? Oh well, when i get home, we can just lie down and forget the rest of the world like we usually do? or would it be different, after this absence and hiatus. I hope not, if it does make the heart grow fonder.

Alright i'll stop talking crap.

What matters is that I've never had a relationship like this, its the most intimate and actually the longest i've been in. I just know it'll turn out better than ever.

This... is just the beginning... right?... Love?.. its just the.. beginning of something so much more.

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Anyway, A very Happy New Year to everyone =)

It didnt feel like such a long time ago when everything was so different...

Alrightt.... I'll be flying to Hong Kong in a few hours. Another 15 hour journey. Bloody hell...

Its raining here in Jersey...

Happy 17th Birthday Vannessa!

You're another year older.

From now till 15th Jan we can say we're of the same age =) Bet you've been waiting for that.

Can't wait to see you when i get home.

I love you.

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Time to stop being childish

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Continue being you.

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and its time to cross another road.

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and try your best to make it to the otherside.

Merry Christmas to everyone =)

To everyone who i can't see this year, Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year

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Though here in the States... it doesnt feel like Christmas at all...

So I’m in this little house along Browertown Road in New Jersey, looking out the dark window on my right watching snow petals flicker along the glass. A cozy warm house with orange lights; it feels peaceful. I landed only about 2 hours ago. I can make a photo journal accounting the trip today/night.

December 19th 8.00am

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Vannessa came over to follow us to the airport where she said goodbye. I know it’ll only be for 2 weeks but I don’t understand why being away for this period makes me feel so messed up and confused inside. I guess it’s because I’m so used to having her around and that I really, really with the bottom of my heart, wished that she was here. We could be lying down in the snow and stuffing it into our faces, laughing and shivering in embrace. Take long walks and watch the condensed smoke leave our lips. Well, even though she’s not here to share this with me, it’s certainly something to look forward to, it really is.

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December 19th approximately 10.40am

We left, I was supposed to be the one walking away, occasional turns, disappear into an angle she could not catch. But I walked back after awhile wanting to see her face for one last time, but i only saw her walking away towards the exit, wondering if she felt the same way…

From there we went onto the plane to Hong Kong. We were the last to board and I think kinda held the plane back a little.

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It was a short ride but I hated the plane. Landed and went to transit.

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HongKong's Airport

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We walked a lot, sat at Starbucks to have some coffee, preparing for the long ride ahead, dreading it.

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I don’t really like flying for long distances, 15 to 16 hours of sitting in a chair facing a screen which really isn’t entertaining at all. Can people who are claustrophobic sit on planes? But then again looking out the view is so, so beautiful it may cause epiphanies

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Anyway we boarded and I came across a most peculiar sight which really amused/interested me.

A no smoking sign next to a smoking tray on the airplane

Sorry the picture a little blured out but its the type of pull-out trays. So i meant it means that you can smoke there right? right?

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Wait i just found another perculiar sight

The pilot announced that we will be delayed because of the heavy traffic flying/taxi-ing into the JFK. We had to fly above the Big Apple for 40mins before we were able to land. After that we had to wait for the plane occupying our lot for another 20 bloody long minutes. That’s not the end of it, when we alighted there was a freakishly long “Visitors” queue while the “Natives” queue was empty. So we waited another hour or more to stand at the front of the line when I noticed that there were only about 6 or 7 lanes open out of about 15 or 18. So all in all the ETA was supposed to be at 7.20. We left JFK after 10…

After which our cousins were kind enough to drive us back to their place.

In the car

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My Aunt Tracy

It was nice Skyping with Vannessa, it felt like days since I last saw her, it was in the afternoon in Singapore and past midnight here in NJ. Also she just left for Bangkok… stay safe. These 2 weeks are going to be long after all… I miss you.

So here I am, December 20th 2008 2.46am NY/NJ time, 3.46 Singapore time.

Oh and Macy's is nearby, might go there tmr.

Lastly, even though i've only had my camera for a day, it seems like i'm starting to get the hang of it.

What a mother of a long day…

December 20th... Happy 7th month Vannessa =) can't wait to see you. Love you.

3,2,1 liftoff...

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I GOT A NEW DSLR CAMERA TODAY!!! Its the Nikon D60. I can finally take good photos! Just nice since i'm going to USA today.

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Today, i heard from my maid that an old woman jumped off my block today. Sending Vannessa home led me to see a puddle of blood dripping into the drain. It was quite a sight...

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Anyway, i'll be leaving for Newyork/Hongkong in a few hours. It means that i won't see anyone till next year. So till then Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I'll try to update from the US. I've got to continue packing my bag now. I havent started =/

Got to rush!

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I've started packing.

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Today i woke up at 3pm. And caught Bolt with a few old friends. It was charming in its own way. After that i went to Gardens to pick up gf as usual.

I can't believe how fast time goes by. We're at the end of another year. I'm really scared, i've said it before like a hundred times. What if time goes by so quickly, we miss out on everything. I believe we should stop and smell the roses. Roses right? or is it another flower? Alah all the same. I can picture flipping/tearing paper calendars. Scary thought.

Speaking of time passing by...

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Yes exams are all done. Time to PARTY

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Today is last paper day =DDD

Which means one whole week of fun before i leave la.

I must have a list of things to do for the whole week. Something like,

1. Spend as much time with girlfriend/friends as humanly possible.
2. Pre-celebrate Christmas/New Year with everyone.
3. Pack for trip
4. Finish 'Friends' so that i can return to Video Ezy and stop that stupid $2/day fine.
5. Good question, i don't know, bum around and relax.
6. Oh figure out what to really buy in states, must go prepared.
7. Party.
8. Finish that bloody final paper first.

Well, i should sleep, tomorrow's paper is going to be a disaster, I'm sure of it.

8 . 7

Broken

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The broken clock is a comfort,

it helps me sleep tonight

Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time

I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts

I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

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I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain there is healing

In your name I find meaning

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The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head

I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead

And I still see your reflection inside of my eyes

That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain is the healing

In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on

I'm barely holdin' on to you

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I'm hangin' on another day

Just to see what you will throw my way

And I'm hangin' on to the words you say

You said that I will, be ok

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The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone

I may have lost my way now, having forgot my way home

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9

Well, the countdown begins...
10.

I wake up at 3pm. Thought about what you wrote.

It's still the same.

Because all in all, i make you feel empty.

You have no idea how much its killing me now.

Of all the times, this was one of the deepest cuts.

Never have I literally had to fight back tears.

Bstats common test is over. I spend 2 hours preparing for the test in school this morning. Well, it was futile. I'm pretty sure i failed.

Though on a lighter note, 2 papers left before holidays. Which reminds me, i have exactly 13 days left before i leave for states. And it'll already be 2009 by the time i'm back.

I just received another letter from NgeeAnn. Its a reminder for me to study hard and also to tell me that if i fail macroeconomics again, i will be dismissed from school.

Anyway today i studied with Serena at HollandV. I'm starting to go into study mood which is good. But then again i can't wait for the holidays to come. Though its kinda saddening, it being the end of year and all.

As most of you have already noticed, we're in the last month of 2008. And in this last 2 months or so, MM Lee went into some cardiac surgery, 400 people in Nigeria died due to the Muslim vs Christian war. HIV numbers shot up, bombing and killing in India and Bangkok has thousands of protesters. What a way to end the year off huh. Some time back we had the tsunami which fell on the 26th of December; Vannessa's birthday. If you notice, we always seem to have constant problems arising around the world. It affects everyone. Yet, most of us choose to do nothing about it. Well, i know i don't. Then again, we tend to forget all that's happening around us as we usher in a new year. We're all so busy getting gifts and presents, so busy organising parties, attending Zoukout, spending time with loved ones, that we all forget all the negative events surrounding us.

And at the end of it all, we stand smiling like idiots, staring at a ticking clock and counting down the last 10 seconds before we grab the person closest to us and lock ourselves in tight embrace.

When it gets to that point, i bet everything else wouldn't matter.

It won't matter.