Dear J,
I miss you, these are the words that first come to mind when I hear your name. You have absolutely no idea how much. It is heart-wrenching, it kills me. All I picture when I lie in bed is you, all I think about is you. Its eating me up from inside and it is depressing. Whenever I see you in school, I'm reminded off what is and what it used to be. Things could have been so much different. Things could have been so much better for the both of us. I really wish, with all of my heart, that things could be the way it used to. Sleeping over, driving to school together in the morning, singing in the car, playing with the dogs. The illustrations that run through my head are of hope. Of us cuddling under the sheets, mouthing of about the world, and how things are gonna be. Talking about everything under the stars and what life is about. I honestly saw a future, a happy one. I was happy, believe me.
However, you seem adamant on leaving this, us behind. I've never really been of the emotional sorts in front of you because it's something that you don't like to see. Something that you have never really appreciated. You've always preferred me being straight forward and you hated it when I beat around the bush. After a year, I can safely say that I know almost everything about you. And whenever I do something that we used to enjoy doing together, I'm reminded once again that I do not possess the luxury of asking you out for a swim, a movie, tennis, dinner or spending time with you after class. I'm reminded once again that I do not have you...
I do not think that I am weak. I just don't understand how you can go from loving someone with all your heart, to becoming nothing. I always thought we were special, you were my best friend, you were my everything. And now that you're gone, everything just... went along with...
I never wanted things to end up this way. I never fathomed you leaving. It never crossed my mind. And now, that it's happened, I'm at a loss for what to do. It's like I've been thrown into the middle of a crossroad and I have completely no idea which direction to walk towards.
I really miss you J...
K
